No Postage Necessary (2017) - Review

by - February 25, 2019

Synopsis: Straight out of jail, a hacker steals letters hoping to find cash. He reads one of the letters, falls in love with the writer and decides to change his ways to be worthy of her.
Sometimes Love Rewrites The Code

A hacker named Sam (George Blagden) is released from prison with several years probation. As part of his release, he is not allowed to use the internet in any capacity and is given a job at the local Twisty Treat ice cream stand. To "earn" some extra cash, Sam poses as a mailman and goes door to door stealing mail from people in wealthier neighborhoods, as many of them have cards or letters that include cash. As he's taking mail from one home, an elderly man hands him a card to deliver. Once he's home, Sam sees the letter is addressed to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Washington, DC and when Sam opens the letter, he finds it's written by a widow to her deceased husband, a soldier who died while overseas six years prior.

He is taken by the emotion in the letter and finds himself returning to her house, where he takes yet another of her letters to read and soon decides to find her and meet her. The woman, Josie (Charleene Closshey), is dealing with the death of her husband while raising their six-year-old daughter, who is also having trouble in school. Josie lives with her father (Raymond J. Barry) and works customer service at a supermarket, but pours her heart and soul into the letters she writes her husband. On the day Sam decides to introduce himself to Josie, he saves her from getting hit by a car and asks her out to dinner. Sam is also dealing with a pesky FBI agent who is on his case about some stolen Bitcoins, convinced that Sam had a hand in the crime.

I'll have to keep this review brief because this movie was terrible from the get-go. The script is painfully bad, the dialogue cringe-worthy. (Example: "You hacked into me!" a frustrated Josie accuses Sam, a hacker, when she discovers what he did and how he manipulated her. Ugh. No.) Josie spends much of her time forlornly wandering the aisles of the supermarket while her voiceover reads the letters that Sam has stolen. They're written in gorgeous cursive with pink envelopes and flowery stamps that would make Pinterest proud. The content of the letters are syrupy and bland, but they somehow cut straight to Sam's heart and this is what makes him want to be a better person.

I was confused about what this movie was trying to be. Because it shifts abruptly between the 'love story' between Josie and Sam, and then Sam's quest to find out who stole some Bitcoin to get this terribly cliched FBI agent off his back. There are two different stories happening in the movie, complete with contrasting soundtracks (faith-based country versus something that sounds like it belongs in an 80's espionage thriller). The insta-romance between Sam and Josie just didn't do it for me. He's worried about the Bitcoin problem, and she's concerned with her daughter's behavioral programs at school (and being offended that the Principal suggested special education for her daughter because her daughter "is smart" and doesn't belong in special education. Sigh.). They have one date, and then they're in love.

I suppose it makes sense since one letter prompts Sam to want to change his criminal ways and join the military to serve his country and be worthy of Josie, just like her deceased husband. Of course, all this has to come after Sam can solve the Bitcoin problem and expose the dirty FBI Agent for his own crimes. Let's just forget how Sam literally steals mail from people so he can find a few bucks in some birthday cards. Oh, and the whole opening the letters of a Marine's widow.

Can you feel the eye-rolling right now?

George Blagden was pretty good in Vikings, so I don't know what the heck he was thinking here. To be fair, the movie is all around terrible, so I don't think even Meryl Streep could deliver the atrocious dialogue believably. Have you ever watched a movie that was just so bad that you found yourself extremely frustrated and kind of pissed off after it was over, because you just wasted ninety minutes to two hours of your life on it? That was this movie.

Starring: George Blagden, Charleene Closshey, Robbie Kay, Raymond J. Barry
Directed by: Jeremy Culver
Rated: PG-13
Watched: 02.24.2019
Fun Facts:
- None. This movie wasn't fun enough for this.
Notable Song:

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